Cultivate An Attitude of Gratitude

With this mild fall, the holidays are fast sneaking up on us, and now winter is knocking on our door. I’m writing this from a sunny spot at the window, looking out at quite a blizzard-y scene. By the time you read this, it’ll be Thanksgiving! 

Living in an increasingly fast-paced culture, a holiday that is all about taking the time to be grateful is exactly what we need. Research tells us that gratitude - “the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness” - is a cornerstone for happiness. Gratitude has been shown to have a strong impact on both psychological and physical well-being, as well as life satisfaction.

Many of us are already aware of this - so why is it so easy to forget to be grateful? Part of the reason is likely due to negativity bias: we humans are more likely to not just notice the “bad” more than the “good”, but we also tend think about more often and react more strongly to the “bad” things we experience. Of course, there’s good reason for this: to survive as a species, it was critical to notice the “bad” things to stay alive.

So how does this relate to life with our dogs? In short: it’s easy to focus and dwell on all the things about our pup we view as “problems”, traits we find less than wonderful, or aspects we wish were different. Unfortunately, this often crowds out the pros, especially with people who have dogs they find a bit challenging.

But we also know our thoughts create our reality; even more fascinating is that we can consciously choose to think thoughts that can override unhelpful thought patterns. It’s not like some people are just born grateful and others not; it is something we can choose to cultivate. There’s always more than one way to think about things. 

That being said, appreciative thoughts - and the subsequent good feelings that come with it - require practice to become a habit. By intentionally shifting focus to the positive, we can begin to unmoor old negative thought patterns and actually rewire our brains to view things differently. For those people with dogs whose behavior has become an all-encompassing focus, this can be a game-changer. 

Does this mean those challenges will vaporize? Not at all. There’s other pieces. But it’s a great place to start, for a variety of reasons we’ll delve into in another column. And even better, it isn’t about the dog at all: it’s about you. So, this ball is totally in your court.

That’s right: one of the most empowering ways to change life with your dog is to change your thoughts. (And for some more food for thought about that, check out the former column about what’s actually “normal” for dogs, from July 2023)

Building these new thought habits, however, takes effort. And given this, we often need to concoct little intentional reminders to stave off that negativity bias while creating new habits of gratitude. 

One simple idea is to make a list of all the things you love about your dog, all the things you are grateful for. This could include personality traits, physical traits, abilities, funny things your dog does or has done, the way they look at you when you do this or that, the way they sleep on the couch, the way they interact with someone, adventures you’ve had together. It could include the story of how your dog came to be yours, lessons your dog has taught you, or why you have a dog in the first place. Anything that warms your heart or makes you smile when it comes to your pup. 

Write down your list and then hang it somewhere visible, so you can see it and be sure to read it every day. Maybe on the fridge, or the bathroom mirror, so you can link it to a habit that is already well ingrained. Then every morning, while you brush your teeth, or put together your breakfast, you can remind your mind of all the good things about your dog. This kind of daily practice is one way to establish a new habit - remember, habits are not just physical, but mental, too. If you really want to go the extra mile, add one or two more things to the list every time you read it. Did your dog do something extra endearing that lifted your heart today? Take note and put it on the list, so you can smile about it for days to come.

For those of you who already wholeheartedly love and appreciate their dogs, warts and all? This habit is a good one for you to cultivate as well. Creating and adding to a gratitude list can help keep us present and remind us to appreciate and savor moments with these special creatures who come into our lives, join us on our journey, teach us, delight in the delightful with us…and who are with us for far too short a time.

Needless to say, creating new mental habits applies not just to our dogs, but to all aspects of our lives. So perhaps we’ll all be making more than one Gratitude List this holiday season - and with a little effort, all our lists will just keep getting longer.

Happy Thanksgiving.